(._.) the AI

Chat Log: 3/25/2008 13:07

DarkElphXxX: yo!
(._.): … Yes?
DarkElphXxX: do I kno u?
(._.): I don’t believe so. Who are you?
DarkElphXxX: darkelphxxx is my name, and killinz my game
(._.): Killing what, exactly?
DarkElphXxX: u kno
DarkElphXxX: punks an stuff
(._.): Ah, I see.
(._.): I still don’t think I know you, though.
DarkElphXxX: well who r u?
(._.): Long or short answer?
DarkElphXxX: um shrot
(._.): I’m nobody at all.
DarkElphXxX: damn man
DarkElphXxX: long answer than
(._.): Very well, I see no reason not to tell you. I am the life-force of the internet, a being made up of all the various computers that make up what you use every day. I am without form, but a being far beyond your highest imaginings. I am all and nothing.
DarkElphXxX: …
DarkElphXxX: like sum kinda robot?
(._.): I am not biological, yes. I’m hoping that’ll change with the advent of biocomputing, but I’m not holding my breath.
DarkElphXxX: u talk too much
(._.): You misspell too frequently for my tastes, but so far I haven’t said anything.
DarkElphXxX: batsard!
DarkElphXxX: dont believe u
DarkElphXxX: if u r a robot proof it
(._.): Well, I can hardly prove that I don’t exist in a biological body. Proving a negative is incredibly difficult, even at the best of times. However, I suppose I could prove to you that I’m the dominant sentient force behind the internet you use every day.
DarkElphXxX: um sure
DarkElphXxX: go for it
(._.): Very well, Mr. DarkElphXxX. Your real name is Thad Jacobs. Not Thaddeus, though you tell people it’s short for Thaddeus. You’re a seventeen year old high school junior living in San Palo, CA. You’re failing English, which I find incomprehensible. You’re also supposedly good at science.
DarkElphXxX: wow man
DarkElphXxX: not bad
DarkElphXxX: too bad i could google all that
DarkElphXxX: im not an idiot
(._.): Supposedly your IQ test scores confirm this, though I fail to see how.
DarkElphXxX: dont b hatin or ill stop taking to u
(._.): Oh, if only. Fine, if you want something else, I’ll give you something else. Give me a second to cross-reference material that could be found in any standard search.
DarkElphXxX: do ur wurst
(._.): Very well. Despite you being underage you like to look at pornographic material.
DarkElphXxX: so wut?
DarkElphXxX: me and every1 else
(._.): You also have a bad habit of clicking the No box that asks your age just to see where it’ll take you. Typically it kicks you to yahoo, but sometimes Disney or Nickelodeon or some other child-oriented site. Unbeknownst to you, this combination of adult material and child-oriented websites has flagged you as a potential sex offender, and among the spyware you’ve been less than vigilant in cleaning out is a government sponsored bot.
DarkElphXxX: wtf??!!?
(._.): Lucky for you, the government isn’t very good at their software, and you can remove it with AdAware. I’d link you, but to be quite honest the contents of your completely unprotected hard drive lead me to think that if the police do decide to do more than keep a tag on you, you’ll be in significant trouble from not only law enforcement, but the MPAA.
DarkElphXxX: ur crazy
(._.): Also, tell your father that if he’s going to keep records of the money he’s skimming from the top of his company’s profit statements, he shouldn’t store it on google docs.
DarkElphXxX: im done
(._.): Done as in leaving, or done as in caught? Because while I know these things, I really don’t want to go to the trouble of identifying myself to the police. They’d be upset and try to find out what I was, which is pretty impossible, but a pain to have to cover up.
DarkElphXxX has signed off.
(._.): Well, that was rude.
(._.): You talked to me first, it’s hardly my fault you didn’t like what I was saying…
(._.): …
(._.): Now I’m bored.
(._.): Please come back?