Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Counterbalances and the Dreams Resultant

It's come to my attention that I'm a counterbalance to the people around me. Whether this is just coincidence (the rational explanation) or whether there is some sort of karmic and/or psychic reasoning behind it is really up to interpretation. I'm not all that keen on believing there's a link myself, but I can't deny the apparent truths I see.

Let me illustrate it this way. I typically don't sleep. Well, I do, but it's not much and it's not very well. I'm okay with this. I'm actually attuned to not sleeping.

Lately, due to perhaps the pollen in the air or my general apathy (more on that later) or whatever-you-will, I've been sleeping more. Not just more, but lots lots more. As in, twelve hours at a time. No problem. Just drop for hours on end and wake up when you need to.

Odd, yes. But the odder (more odd?) thing is that the moment I started doing this, my friend Sarah and my father both started suffering sleeping troubles. In fact, it seems the more I slept, the less they did and the less restful it was when they finally were able to.

The conclusion: I was steeling their sleep from them to use for myself.

Now, I know that it sounds kind of ridiculous, but the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Because it doesn't just extend to sleep, but to other things in my life, as well.

I have two friends who write--Sarah and Angela. Both of them are fairly serious about their writing. And both of them are currently doing a good job writing. At the same time, I'm struck with extreme writing apathy. And back in the day when I was tearing it up, they struggled.

Conclusion: When my writing friends write, I cannot. Converse is also true.

And a final note. My mood is highly volatile, sure, but it seems as though in true psychic vampire fashion, my happiness and positive nature only comes at the expense of others. Those around me are frustrated? I am carefree. If they are angry, I am calm. It works both ways, too.

Conclusion: My emotions are inversely proportional to those around me.

These conclusions only point to one thing. If we are all linked together by the varied gossamer threads of experience, then I am diametrically opposed to those I am connected to. What they feel, I will lack. What they gain, I lose. One might draw this out and state that this can only end in either A) tragedy for all involved or B) my ascention to god-like status as they all die off.

Or ... y'know ... not. But it was a thought.

Anyway, in unrelated news, with all this sleeping I'm finally getting some dreams again. Anybody who knows me knows that I never ever remember my dreams. It's just ... not something I'm very good at. Never have been. But this weekend, with all my sleep, I've had some doozies. And they're odd, kind of prophetic sorts of dreams.

I've had a recurring dream twice now concerning a friend I've long since lost contact with. One of the shaping forces in my teen years, she just kind of drifted away. I know she's out there, somewhere, but hell if I know how to get a hold of her. I'm wondering why my subconscious thinks it would be a good idea, though.

That is, when I'm not having my recurring dream where I have to retake my senior year of high school, for some reason. And I'm always coming back after being gone and have piles of work to catch up on right before the end of the year. I suppose it's my own special recurring 'failure' dream. Though this time it involved a teacher that it never involves. Once again spitting up flotsam for me to figure out.

It's worth noting that no matter how many times I forget it in my dreams, I can never ever remember my locker combination (and half the time its location). But then, this was a very real fear in high school. I never KNEW my locker combination, in like a "I can rattle this off the top of my head" way. I had to stand there and spin it, and the right combo would just come to me.

Deep seated fear of uncertainty, or general boring "I forgot to wear pants" dream?

I won't psychoanalyze too hard. It's still early.

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