The World Conspires, or how matt can't get it together

I'm feeling rather under the weather lately. Part of it is spring and the inevitable sinus rape that comes when all the living things decide to get all up in my face and start playing Philly cop. I survive, I perservere, but man if it hasn't sapped my energy something fierce.

That said, I'm also hella sleep deprived. It seems that even when I take a night to just pass out and sleep, it doesn't help. I need more rest, but quantity really can't go up, so I'm going to have to find a way to increase quality instead. Talk about your struggles.

I really wanted to put something meaningful here, and I had something, too, but I forgot it along the way. That's just how today's going to be, I guess. Joy and rapture.

Oh, and everyone should go see Speed Racer. I'd post about how everyone should go see Speed Racer, but in that time you could be at the theatre already.

When responsible writers go bad.

I figure that considering I've been gone for weeks and weeks and this is supposed to be a blog about my experiences with writing, I might as well make a post about writing. And considering I'm an advocate of writing every day, keeping the eyes on the prize, and remaining dedicated, I figure that an explanation of me slipping from my own advice would be perfect fodder for a post.

I finished editing Marton Syan March 2nd. In that time, I've written the first thirty pages of one novel, and the first 15 of another. I wrote a script that's now collecting dust. I've taken multiple breaks, where I did little but read lots, or watch lots of movies, or nothing in particular but sit around and be lazy.

Why? A couple of reasons. The most important one was that for the first time since I started my writing adventure, I was tired. I had written two novels and edited another in six months. That kind of output isn't easy and I worked hard to achieve it. Once it was done and I let the dust settle a bit I realized I was horribly fatigued. I didn't just need a break from working on novels, I didn't want to do any writing.

So I let the blog lapse. I let me initial readers work on Marton Syan. I planned and got distracted by my screenwriting adventure for a bit and I've taken more time to goof off and go out and have fun. These are not bad things, really.

Another important factor was real life. In that time since March, I've moved twice and been dealing with changing my life situation. It's not really something worth getting into, but lord knows it contributed.

The final reason is much more ethereal. Things have changed in my writing between now and this time last year. It's grown much more serious, which is to be expected. But as my own skill level increases I realize that this is soon going to stop becoming an amateur thing and will begin to make the transition into a (hopefully) professional gig and ... to be honest, that's a little daunting.

Many writers are afraid of failure. But those that work past it realize that the only thing more terrifying of failure is the paralyzing realization of just what it takes to move from hobby novelist to professional writer. The gap is as wide as forever and as sudden as an instant. And the fissure between the two sides is enough to swallow you whole to where nobody will ever find you.

At this point, I have to try to bridge the gap. I've finished a couple of novels, and I have one that's edited and has been read and supported and is ready for another edit before it goes out into the world. The impending agent-to-publication process is going to take up most of next year, I'm sure, and it's intimidating.

So, to be honest, I got cold feet. I just needed to check out and get a little perspective on it.

Does that mean I've worked through it? Not in the least. But I'm tired of not working and I need to go back to doing something. So I'm gearing back up in my books. I'm restarting the posting in the blog. And we'll see how well the slightly more grizzled, slightly wiser Literary Rock Star fares going into the second half of the year when it's all editing and preparing for the up and coming joys of querrying and rejection.

Should be a ride. Until then, I'm out of here.

Does this mean I'm famous yet?

Well, I said Morgetron would offer an interview about me. And she came through in spades. This was posted on Friday, but this weekend was spent buried up to my next in music that I was trying to organize so it'll have to be now.

The Interview

See? Told ya I wasn't dead!

Okay, here we go, new post. Lots of stuff's been happening, which is in part why I've been so crazy quiet. Let's address the issues.

Since we last sat down and talked, I changed jobs again. This new place is pretty awesome, but it's actually busy (most of the time) so it's been kicking my ass.

In the time that transpired between jobs, I took a week to just sit on my ass and do nothing. I played video games. I watched movies. I went golfing for the first time. All in all it was hella enjoyable.

Oh, and I bought a new computer.

I don't have pics (I'll work on that) but she's a beauty. Dell Inspiron 351 AMD Athlon Core Duo 2.80 Ghz with 2 gigs memory. Not like ... top of the line, but she's suiting me rather nicely after Deborah became old, bitter, and ready for retirement to the occasional coffee shop.

I've named her Ghita. And to top her off, I put THIS on top to sweeten the deal.

So all of this week (when I wasn't working) was mostly spent getting everything set just how I like it. Some minor hiccups aside (my music library has been added about 5 times now, because I keep messing up some setting and throwing it all out of whack) I'm about in business.

Which means it's time for writing.

Screnzy's over. I'm getting settled. And the spring is slowly starting to give way to summer so it's time to throw down and do what needs to be done. CDE Project is calling me. Too much potential not to explore it. And the countdown to clear my project queue (one new book, two edits) by November is creeping up faster than I'm entirely comfortable with.

In other news, I have down time here at work each morning before FedEx arrives. I'm not sure if that means that I'll post more, but I certainly have a nice slice of time carved out for it, if I choose to exploit it.

Oh yeah, Morgetron interviewed me last night because she's silly and I like to talk. When it's up, I'll link it. But people should be checking her out anyway. I mean daaaaaayum, if only all teachers were so stylin'.

Well, it's May First, which means ...

That the people who got the second draft of Marton Syan to read over hit their deadline.

I sent the email out to ten people. All of these people expressed interest. And I was explicit that if they couldn't make the obligation, to just drop me a line and that would be fine. I understand, people are busy.

Total people who finished: 2

Total people who offered any sort of excuse: 2.5-ish

Which means that there are six people who couldn't be bothered.

You know what, six people? Fuck you. Each and every one of you.

It'll be a cold day in hell before I come to any of you with my fiction again.

True friends and all, I guess...

Sayonara, Silver Screen!

Well, me and Tony have officially won Script Frenzy 2008. It's been an interesting month, we me moving during the first week and Tony ready to move next week, but somewhere in between, when I wasn't doing taxes, I figured out how to write a screenplay.

Not a good screenplay, by any stretch of the imagination. It's poorly paced (books aren't movies) and talky and confusing. But it's done. 100 pages even. I even had to concoct a scene that I'm sure would find it's way onto the cutting room floor in an instant to grab those last two pages.

For a writer like me, with elephantitis of the word count, this was an eye-opening experience.

Screenplays are an interesting game. The lack of narration, the sparsity of descriptors, the funky and oh-so-easy way to throw out massive amounts of dialogue are all wildly different from the books I'm used to. It's a fun medium, I'll admit. The only problem I have is what comes after--when you finish a script, you still have to ship it off to hope that people can hack at it and reinterpret it before people see it.

I could never deal with that disconnect. It'd drive me mad. No, I want my words to be what people experience. If that's ego, it's ego. I'm okay with that.

But now that April's over, and the script's done, I'm looking forward to NaNo in November, and Screnzy next year, where I'm sure I'll dabble again (whether me and Tony team up for another script remains to be seen, a year is a long way off).

Until then...

Ciao, Hollywood!

Here thar be lists!

Here’s another arbitrary update because I’m uncompelled to produce content. It was either this or work on the script, and to be completely honest I’m just not feeling the whole noir vibe under fluorescent lighting. Maybe it’s just me.

By all accounts (barring complete block or disasters both medical and technological) Tony and I should be finishing the script up by Friday. Which means that I’ll be free to pursue other things. There are three that are standing at my door waiting for me.

1. Finish writing Tango
2. Edit WTC
3. Do a third draft on MS

I’m not really keen on 3, since it’s been only two months since I kicked it back out, so I’m bouncing between the other two. Opinions have been weighed in, though they’re mostly biased. I don’t know what I want to do, though, and since I’m the one who has to sit down every night and be happy with my output, this is something of a problem.

I also am tempted to do something rash and foolish. I won’t say what, but there are a few options not listed up there (4-6, I think, offhand) and they’re tugging at me from time to time.

I have until Friday to figure out what the hell I’m doing. Saturday, if I really want to press it. When these are decisions about what you’re going to be spending the next two months of your life focused on, this sort of indecision is a real pain in the ass.

Maybe I’ll just do all six of them at once and break down from the stress and lack of sleep.